I love high school. I can’t deny that. I enjoyed every day of my four years in my precious alma mater. I know during that years; I was happy. Or I must say, I believe I was happy. I have a lot of friends and I started creating my dreams here. I can still remember the nonsense giggles and “pacute days” before. The nonstop slum books and autographs. The promises of endless friendships, timeless dreams and aspirations. And it brings a big sigh… a happy memory it is.
I was able to pass by my High school Alma mater yesterday and looking at those teenagers, I wonder if they are enjoying it.
My high school days were not like anybody's. I want to believe mine was different. Maybe because I’m really different. Looking back, I can say now that my high school life was not that fruitful; but I did enjoy it in my own ways. I don’t know why I’m saying this, why it seems that didn’t enjoy it. Maybe my purpose is to show the other side of high school.
I went to a public high school under a special science class program. My classes start at 6:15AM till around 3:30pm or 4pm. Yes. It’s a whole day class. Most of us are classmates since elementary. Others came from private elementary schools. It’s a total mix of students with one thing in a common - most of us are from the top sections in elementary; honor students, achievers; the pride of our primary schools; with talents and skills par excellence.
Honestly, I was too excited to enter High school. My cousins and my neighbors told me that High school is the best. Based on the TV Series and Movies, they describe high school as the "best part of your life". Technically, it’s because; it’s the transition period from being a child to young adult. The adolescence years, the campus courtship; the first love (which later on; you will realize that its just a puppy love) But, nobody warned me that it would as hard as it can be. In this stage you will be labeled. Campus Queen or King, the Jocks, the nerds, the punks, the nobody’s, the elites, the poor, the brainers; the no-brainers and other names.
Building friendship was hard for me. I mean a truly lasting friendship. Or maybe it’s because I can’t easily trust the people around me. Or maybe I was too paranoid as well - I wanted to give out a good impression but I ended up in bad waters. I have a lot of colleagues; people say I’m easy to get along with, I have acquaintances from SOF, DOST 2, Par-Sci and even from the regular sections- from the highest to lowest section.
It’s hard and confusing for me. During our homeroom - our adviser told us that we need to set good first impression because first impression lasts. She has a point but later on I realized; “WTH! It’s like you're hiding yourself, it’s like you're being boxed up; then why not just be me..."
I know people are talking behind my back (as paranoid as ever) I know they’re saying negative things about me. It may appear as if I don’t care but deep inside it’s really killing me. I know it’s a fact because I also talked behind someone else back just because I want to a part of a certain group. I want to win friends but then, it’s hard. Or maybe again; I didn’t try hard enough.
I gained friends and I felt more at ease with the crowd of other people; (I mean students from different sections)I can be myself with them rather than the people in our block. (maybe because I’m superior when I’m with them) or maybe it’s because I heard words like I don’t have finesse; that I’m too Magaslaw and all that... and I do understand that they want me to become better; but again; I’m different remember? - Deep in the back of my mind; I’m wondering if they want me to become better or just to be like them...
Birds of the same feathers flock together - that's the concept in High school. You need to have at least one common point to become friends and right now I find it shallow. For me, friendship is developed by the differences in each person and finding it enduring.
I find my high school as a boxed life. I need to do this to become this. I need to be this because it’s what’s expected from us. I have to or else... High school. I did enjoy it. Really I do, but I can’t deny the fact that right now, looking through these students - wearing the same uniform as what I have worn years ago makes me realize the feeling of being told on what to do, how to move and how to live according to other's expectations and how pathetic I have been following them.
I remembered the days when my teachers will say; "you're in section one, you should be (take note: YOU SHOULD; again the word is SHOULD) the model students." Model students in the sense that we need to make sure that we set proper example - no cutting classes, no late, no violations, we should be perfect for them and I hate it - they won’t allow us to commit mistakes and they forgot that we are also like any other students - we are also teenagers; bound to commit mistakes; bound to have low grades.
Being in a special science class is an achievement. It’s a feather on our Caps. We can say we are on top of others when it comes to I.Q. but when it comes to E.Q. I doubt if we are developed to have a high E.Q. It’s like were guinea pigs - they are developing us to excel in every subject areas. And I’m thankful for that but the comparison? Teachers can’t understand that each and every student has their own capability; that we have our own identity, talents and skills. One can do something others can’t. One is bound to do great in something. Each and every one of us is different from each other.
I hate them for telling me that I won’t succeed. They don’t know me or life that I had lived. They don’t know anything about me or the dreams that I have. Or the pains that I’m going through or the confusion that I was suffering way back then. But no one cared and I feel during that time, I can’t trust anyone.
I hate high school because I lived according to their expectations. I know I can’t bring back the old times. It’s already a past and regardless of what I have heard before; I am still me no matter what.
I remember one of my teachers saying; that in every flock of sheep, someone will go astray. I can say I’m that sheep; the black sheep. but at least I was able to become me... no matter how hard was the consequences are - I was a floating member of the class; no specific group of friends. Just me and myself. I'm like a butterfly that jumps from one group to another. At least it saved me from the pain of being betrayed or being exalted from your group of friends...
Looking back, it’s so pathetic and immature of us, but as the saying goes; "they can forget what you have said or done, but no one can how you make them feel"
I did enjoy high school but I can say now that it’s not the best part of my life... the best part would be college when I was able to express who I really am... and being with people who lets you be you with no questions asked...
But maybe, that’s high school: a life’s turning point. The point in one’s life where you start building your own self; the part where you start creating a name for you and for yourself; the point where you start building your dreams, the part where you realize your talents and skills, where you discover your real potentials. The part of your life where you start knowing…and learning by your own; where you tend to scar your knees and cry true tears; point in life where you can commit as many mistakes as possible; point wherein you can try challenging your society or just simply going with the flow… (I chose the first option) The funny thing, despite this experiences, I given the chance, to change anything in high school, I won’t even dare because this makes me; ME!
My high school life is a happy one but perhaps, it could have been better if I learned earlier that life is never fair…
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